I am breaking free. I will choose me. [Long brutally honest and raw vent]

[Camila]

This is a very complex matter in my life right now. I’ve been blaming myself for not wanting to sleep with my partner for a year (ever since he moved in with me) and all this time I was always thinking there was something wrong with me for not wanting to touch him; but now I have understood and realize that it’s only natural for me not crave intimacy with a man that reminds me of a child that needs to be told what to do and god forbid he does anything outside the bare minimum, and when he DOES the bare minimum he has the audacity to ask me “you wanna have sex?”, how can someone be so cold?

I’m young. I’m just 29, and OMG, do I look like a motherfucking angel, and for what?! I want pleasure too, I want to flirt, make friends, have fun, give myself the best. Yes, I want to feel desired, but I also want to experience to be burning with desire, I’m willing to fall on my knees for a man who deserves it, but I’m starting to feel he doesn’t deserve me. I am NOT subscribing myself forever to this, I don’t need kid. I won’t marry his “potential”, I don’t care about his potential anymore because his potential and his reality are two very different things.

When he comes back home, this engagement will be postponed. I’ll give him a 1-year opportunity to show me why I should marry him, because to be honest, from what I’ve seen why would I want to keep this going? Either I’d rather end it now as two good friends that want nothing but the best for each other, OR talk about the improvements that WILL have to be made in order to make this work.

I have not really gained as much as he has gained from this relationship because I have been giving him everything, while he can’t even make me come in a way I couldn’t do myself I’m alone, and this is draining my energy, my love, my sex battery, and it’s eating away my beauty. It’s time we make fair exchanges, because I want to have fun, and his lack of interest in growing up is truly getting in the way.

Today I will choose me.